Tuesday, April 8, 2014

The Pursuit of Happiness

When my mom was young, she had to sit at the table until her plate was finished. It didn't matter how long she had to sit there, but she couldn't leave until all the food on her plate was in her mouth. She always says that one time she challenged her mother and sat until 1 in the morning food uneaten. At that point, her father walked in and excused her. It just occured to me that I only eat what I "want" off of my plate. That means I leave some items I have never tried or don't want to eat like vegetables. In the last case, those are really healthy things that can help me grow in a postive way. I think that my only what I want viewpoint has carried over beyond the dinner table. I fight so hard against anything I'm not familiar with or don't want to do. Perhaps this has something to do with procrastination because I don't do what I don't want to which is typically essays for english, large projects, or things I expect to be boring. Maybe I can beat procrastination if I started doing things that I didn't want to. Like getting up at 4 am to finish that project before I go behind, or starting on something a day or two early to really hound in the idea. It is easy to write this, but the reality of it is stinging even as I think about this. I was/am always great at avoiding all sorts of discipline that I can.

Lord, I ask for your help. Through your grace I aspire to turn that was/am to a firm WAS and leave it behind me in the past. Amen.

>ClumsyCatholic

Monday, April 7, 2014

The Winding Road Away from Nowhere

The air conditioning is not powerful. I can barely feel it over the shoulders of my brother. He's driving. Dads next to him. I'm in the back in my sideways seat looking at the dirt road through the back of our pickup. Today we leave everything I've ever known for a chance to get my dad a job with my other brother. It's quiet. There's no conversation in the front   Brett says dad did something to him but no one will say what. Although I'm an adult now no one will tell me anything because I'm the little sister. The taste of a coke is still on my tongue making my teeth feel like candy. I got it from Flo's shop. She was always so kind to me. I visited her shop often and nearly got sick of it but I was comfortable there. I will probably never see that shop again. I hate the feeling of leaving. We should just stay in one place forever. No travel. No worry. No broken hearts. I left plenty of them back in Wadsworth but only one will I take with me until I can get to Wyoming. I hope it'll make it that far. Maybe then my Sandy world will become more colorful.