Thought of the Day: Don't Lose Your Spirit

The Pursuit of Happiness

When my mom was young, she had to sit at the table until her plate was finished. It didn't matter how long she had to sit there, but she couldn't leave until all the food on her plate was in her mouth. She always says that one time she challenged her mother and sat until 1 in the morning food uneaten. At that point, her father walked in and excused her. It just occured to me that I only eat what I "want" off of my plate. That means I leave some items I have never tried or don't want to eat like vegetables. In the last case, those are really healthy things that can help me grow in a postive way. I think that my only what I want viewpoint has carried over beyond the dinner table. I fight so hard against anything I'm not familiar with or don't want to do. Perhaps this has something to do with procrastination because I don't do what I don't want to which is typically essays for english, large projects, or things I expect to be boring. Maybe I can beat procrastination if I started doing things that I didn't want to. Like getting up at 4 am to finish that project before I go behind, or starting on something a day or two early to really hound in the idea. It is easy to write this, but the reality of it is stinging even as I think about this. I was/am always great at avoiding all sorts of discipline that I can.

Lord, I ask for your help. Through your grace I aspire to turn that was/am to a firm WAS and leave it behind me in the past. Amen.

>ClumsyCatholic

The Winding Road Away from Nowhere

The air conditioning is not powerful. I can barely feel it over the shoulders of my brother. He's driving. Dads next to him. I'm in the back in my sideways seat looking at the dirt road through the back of our pickup. Today we leave everything I've ever known for a chance to get my dad a job with my other brother. It's quiet. There's no conversation in the front   Brett says dad did something to him but no one will say what. Although I'm an adult now no one will tell me anything because I'm the little sister. The taste of a coke is still on my tongue making my teeth feel like candy. I got it from Flo's shop. She was always so kind to me. I visited her shop often and nearly got sick of it but I was comfortable there. I will probably never see that shop again. I hate the feeling of leaving. We should just stay in one place forever. No travel. No worry. No broken hearts. I left plenty of them back in Wadsworth but only one will I take with me until I can get to Wyoming. I hope it'll make it that far. Maybe then my Sandy world will become more colorful. 

Lent

I always love to find out the origins of the names of things. Why is a fork called a fork, and things like that. Unfortunately, not many people write down things like that so a lot of it is heresey or tradition without an explantion. So I didn't bother to look up Lent in the original dictionary because i'm sure I wouldnt find it, but my brain seemed to make a connection without the help of a big boring book.

In the dictionary, Lent is the past action of granting someone the use of something with the understanding that it will be returned. I find that a bit ironic.

I've been Catholic since birth. Each year during the depressing time of February and March, Lent begins. This is the liturgical season that helps religious people get ready for the celebration of Easter. Its a time of sacrifice, and getting closer to God. People give up sinful acts or sacrifice something they enjoy to show that they are dedicated. This season is 40 days long so about 6 weeks, there is 2 days of fasting, and Fridays requires one to abstain from eating meat. With this background, hopefully you"ll see what i'm talking about.

Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Through his death we gained the opportunity for eternal life in heaven. At the beginning of the earth, God and his subjects were together but Adam and Eve were tricked and were separated from God. So i'm thinking that Lent is the time when we especially awknowledge the fact that God lent us time on this earth and this designsted season helps us sort of pay him back for all he's done.

I just recently thought about this. If i'm right maybr i've reached a new level of spiritual understanding; but it could also be something well off. Oh well I think it's kinda awesome, and that's all that matters.

I dont typicaly make a big deal out of Lent, but this year has changed things. I am now a youth group leader at my church, and i'm hoping to bring teens closer to Christ. Im working on my relationship with God and this year i've given up tv during the week so I can spend more time becoming a better Catholic. Ok, so it may sound like i'm bragging about being "holier than thou" but i'm just curious to hear from my fellow Catholics. I'd love to hear from my fellow Chrisitians and those of other faiths too. How are you celebrating Lent?

A.O.L.T.M.F.H.

Even though I don't know exactly who you'll be yet, I think of you often.
I wonder how you're living your life now. It matters to me, you know,
because how you live your life now determines the kind of man you're
becomin...and the kind of man I'll spend the rest of my life with.

Apparently, for some bizarre reason, manhood doesn't come automatically
for males. Some guys seem to spend their entire lives trying to "prove
their manhood"--by hunting, playing sports, driving fast...and,
unfortunately, by having sex. It seems rather strange to us women that
guys think having sex proves you're a man. To us, it just proves that
they've reached puberty. And we don't really consider that, in itself, to
be any great accomplishment. Becoming a man is a much more complicated
process.

The funny thing is, even in this day and age, most guys want to marry a
girl who respects her sexuality. A guy doesn't like the idea of his future
wife in the back seat with someone else, or of her being the subject of a
sexual conquest story in the locker room. They'll brag about girls like
that, but they won't marry them. They want to marry a girl, whether she's
never "done it" or done it and regretted it, who recognizes that sex
speaks the language of forever, committed love...someone like me.

But why would I want to marry someone like that...someone who wants to
marry a virgin, but spends his dating years robbing other girls of their
virginity so that he can prove his manhood? He's not a "real man" in my
eyes--he's a selfish, immature boy driven by insecurity, not love. And I'm
not interested.

I want moe from you. I want you to respect your sexuality as much as I
respect mine. I want you to be a real, confident man, not a wimp who has
to use women to feed his insecurity. A guy like that couldn't use all of
those women, and then suddenly love me. He may be "good" in bed, but he's
no good at loving.

I want you to learn to really love. Learning to love is learning to put
the other first. A guy who messes around outside of marriage isn't putting
the good of the other first. He's using a girl...speaking the "body
language" of permanent commitment when the relationship isn't permanent.
He's putting the girl at risk of pregnancy. And he's putting himself at
risk for some nasty diseases...diseases he can then later give his wife.
That's not making love. A real man loves women--all women--and wants
what's best for them. And he doesn't let his desires control his actions.
He controls his desires instead.

I want you to develop self-control. That's important to me. I don't want
to marry a man who can't control himself. Men like that make lousy
husbands. A guy who isn't used to saying "no" to sex isn't going to be any
better at it at 40 than he is at 18. I've seen women who worry every time
their husbands hire an attractive secretary. I don't want that. What kind
of marriage could I have with someone I couldn't even trust on a business
trip?

In the short run, I'm sure there aren't too many rewards for a guy living
this way. Society tells you that you're missing out on your "sexual peak."
Your silence during the locker room bragging sessions can seem deafening.
You may have even heard from the girls you date that something must be
"wrong" with you because you won't prove you're a man. It's just
irritating that no one else seems to know it, isn't it?

But somebody does know it. I know it. And in the end, I'm the only someone
who matters.

And no, I'm not as narrowminded as those guys who say they'll only marry a
virgin. Society isn't too supportive of virginity, especially male
virginity. I can forgive mistakes in your past. But i'm interested in your
future, starting now. When I meet you, I want you to be a man who has made
a conscious decision to wait...out of love for our future family and
commitment to our marriage. And I want you to be a real man, who's
developed the control maturity and unselfishness that waiting brings. They
may not be popular traits in the locker room, but they're popular with me.
They'll make you a better husband, and a bete father. To me, that's sexy.

I've abstained from sex all of these years, and it hasn't been for the
lack of offers. I've had plenty of opportunities, and saying "no" hasn't
always been easy. I'm sure it's not always easy for you, either. But it
will make our marriage so much stronger. Sex will be our gift to each
other, our exclusive "language." It'll belong to us, not "us and everyone
else we ever dated."

Thanks for waiting for me. I promise you won't regret it.

 (by Mary Beth Bonacci)

This is an amazing letter I wanted to share with you.

The Class

We're going to the library today. I wonder who you are going to sit by.

Should you sit by the guy who has all the answers? 

How about he who plays video games?

The girl with teenage angst?
The girl that doesn't quite fit in?

You could sit by the instigator. 

The one with the style no one can match.
There's the quiet girl.
The one who has topics to discuss if someone will ask.

How about the quiet angry couple?
The stinky mole?
The one who doesn't know much about nothing?
The leader who doesn't meet expectations that he doesn't know about?

You could chill with your homie.
The one who likes to smoke.
The one who came late.
The girl who wears so much black its white.

How about the package around which FRAGILE is posted?
The one who is always angry?
The girl who tries hard but for whatever reason can't?
And she (who) has learned everything you seek, have, and keep at last?

You could plop down next to the nurse.
There is the boy who didn't say what she thought he should have said.
There is the daughter of a mother that has many children.
The spoiled rich girl who irritates those around her with her inability to put a shirt on.

How about the girl who needs a little more help?
The brainy one who can answer most of the questions?
The chef?
How about the family person?

You could sit by the boy who didn't cry wolf because he hasn't truly cried anything for some time.
The girl whose hbs are on fire but nothing else.
The one with an A problem because nobody else can get one.
And finally the one who has a V.

Those are your options. Choose wisely. There is no going back.
 

Blue Apple Thing

Mr. Burge, you want our blog post to be about something in your class. I didn't want to write about something in the class, in fact my last blog post had been mulling over in my head for a week or so. But here I am fulfilling an obligation I wish I didn't have to. Just when I think that I want to write about myself, I have a great prompt or idea for a blog involving your class and vice versa. Well I'm deviating yet again.

At the start of the year I became really interested in reading books about writing and gaining knowledge and skill that I can help to improve my own writing. So far each of the three books I have read have been amazing. Especially the last book I read by Natalie Goldberg touched my heart in so many places that I desperately longed to buy it. The silly thing is: she is a poet.

A lot of students either hate or love poetry. I'm on the fence. I like poems that have hidden meanings that I can get easily. I'm not starting to hate poetry, as we have read more and more poetry; my opinion has stayed the same. Some poems are good, and others should be stabbed and destroyed. I think I hate the questions though. They make me feel like I'm reading the poem the wrong way or I'm not diving in deep enough. If they disappear and we just start talking about them more, I think that more people would like poetry.

Happy Birthday

The girl I knew is gone. One minute, she was here and by the stroke of the clock she was gone. No more pain, no more suffering, no more lying against the cold floor trying to get up but unable to. She was loved by many, and to some was the apple of their eye. But as I said she is gone.

Things are different now. I could go to jail if I commit a crime. I can sign forms without my parents. In the eyes of the law, I am now an adult. I am experiencing a slightly different feeling now that my clock has struck. My parents say that I am still their little girl, and that I have to listen to their rules while I still live with them. I can respect that, heck I'm doing that, but I can't wait to see this new life that waits for me.

Once someone dies, there is more room for the living. I've also heard it told that the end is just a new beginning. Did I cry? No. Did I want to? Yes and No. Did I deserve to? No. 

She was compassionate, always smiling around others and got really excited around other people. For those she cared about, she would listen and help them as best she could. She was so full of life and would play all sorts of games. Even those people who didn't treat her as nice as they should have were treated quite well. There was something about her that is nearly irreplaceble.

I think that a few of her qualities will stay with those she touched forever. Can I continue to be that girl? 

For the one who left when I became an adult.

Fine.

I have a white stripe down my back. If you run me over, not only do you torture me and you but everyone else driving down the road. I am a skunk. I'm not the prettiest animal alive but to some I am very beautiful. Sometimes I royally stink and I don't like myself. Ok. I don't really care about this right now. I've never been able to figure out what animal best describes me. I got nothing. I want to Be no le something noble and cool te bug is that really me? I think moot. I think tht I'd probably be a silly animal that is somewhat cute but most people wouldn't want In their living room.

She says that writing is an expression of how you feel in this one moment. That its all true nothing better or more tuer than everything else. I won't this to look bad. This should really suck. I'm a bed writer tonigh I can't figure out how to instigate her to punch him in the face. Al I know is she's gonna punch him he's going to be embarrassed and prob Lu be in pain. Alex is going to be shocked. I wonder wht you think of this or of my special surprise on Wednesday it should be exciting. I was thinking of a thicker one but Robbie has a thicker one that I think involves gauging and I'm not into tht. Maybe being small and dainty will be a good idea. It can balance out everything else on my body. Taylor swift writes songs about boys. I don't want to be like her. She repeats and repeats. Always songs about love. I like her earlier dogs idk why. I just do

Why do we have to figure out why we like things. As sometime says its not the why Hemingway it's the what. That makes sense. I worote te wrong quote but I like the way it's phrased. Find my voice I wonder how singers do that. I wonder what it's bloke to be a singer. Is it different? The Hillary Duff movie made it look different.

Death. I like death not killing but the emotions it produces. Can you imagine. Idle why I wrote that I think I meant to say that I don't even remember. Oh we'll that's the not purpose of this.

Marriage is a scarce ante I. I wonder if ill ever get married. Either my sister and I wor I mean either she will or I will in the next ten years. I don't see both UFO us havering a family at te same time in the near future for some forwarding.

This is harder than I though I just want to retarder everything wrong and correct whys spelled wrong and it's really hard to keep my hand moving. If this will help me find my voice. Raise your Boise. Hillary duff again. I like her songs. She was like a part o my childhooood

Tha quality f shows nowadays.. I wonder what ng thinks about typing. She talked about it but never as a idle forth j come from the grave to save the ones I love. I a lot of my characters sacrifice
Themselves for the ones they love. Idk if I would or could. That's be crazy selfish though I'd I didn't.

Why do we have to label things? That's easy because we like to classify things why do we write or more importantly why do u wrote? I didn't have a grilled cheese sandwich today I am smiling right now. I stopped.

As prescribed by Natalie Goldberg.