I have to deal with the real world on Monday. This is the world where I don't get anything handed to me and where I have to face my inadequacies. For those of you who don't know, I started a new job three weeks ago. I had three weeks to prove myself and show that I could accurately proceed as the certificate on my wall states. To put it bluntly, I'm not sure how I did.
My preceptor stated that he felt we had been on the same page for most of the trial weeks, and I agree with him. He also said that I'm good if I'm told exactly what to do. I don't know what that means for my future with the company. I'm afraid that they'll fire me for not being able to do my job. But my silver lining is the hope that they will look past all that and offer me an option in a different department. I really hope they send me to the land of three letters, heck I'd even settle for the state of two names, but I don't want to leave. I just got my paycheck for working a full week, and I'm positive that if I was a cartoon my eyes would have popped out of my head. You can definitely afford to live on a paycheck like that. Don't ask me exact numbers, most of this post is meant to be vague. Although the check is great, I wonder if I really belong in that world.
I feel like I don't grasp what is really going on. I get to work and my brain is scattered with excitement and nervousness. It's different each time. Part of me thinks that I'm shying away from a challenge, but let's say that I stay at my current job. What do I do for the rest of my life?
I like writing and helping people, but right now it's not something that can pay my bills. I don't know if I'll ever make money by typing on my computer, but I need to find something to do. I've been getting socially shamed for my behavior these last two semesters in college. I'm better than the failing grades. I'm better than this person I've become. I don't want to be this person who sits on her butt doing nothing because TV is better. It's not. It's a box that allows you to see into the lives of other people, but prevents you from living your own life.
I don't want that anymore. There are ten things that I want in my life right now:
1. To go back to school, get my G.P.A. up and figure out what do do with my life.
2. To be daring and fearless.
3. To write like a crazy person.
4. To become the kind of friend that can be depended on.
5. To have a 2 minute, 2 minute, 2 mile body.
6. To make my bed everyday.
7. To be given another chance at work.
8. To be debt free.
9. To find a guy that can compliment me.
10. To go on an adventure.
Those are my pseudo-10 Commandments, for tonight at least. I know the first one is on the cheating end of the spectrum but I don't care. I really want to do the ten things I listed above.
I'll keep you updated. :-)
Oh, one last thought before I go. Today I went to a tattoo parlor. Yes, I your Kameleon am thinking about getting a tattoo. Who would have guessed? Anyway, my sister in her wise way advised me to make it meaningful. Well, I found the perfect way to do that, and it fits right in the branches of one of my ten commandments. I hope you like hidden messages.
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