4 Days in a Row I've bEen Posting. It feels really good and it makes me wonder if I'm thinking the right thing.
Friday, July 31, 2015
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Post 50: Half Way There...
So this is the 50th post, woo hoo! I think it would be more exciting if I had continuously posted up to this. I haven't been consistent, but I can still celebrate that this is half way to my goal.
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Post 47: Running Out of Things to Say
This is why I don't like social media. My life isn't that important to update people seven times a day.
Post 46: Explanation Time
If I was reading this blog, I would question why the posts are getting shorter and more frequent. The simple answer is I made myself a promise and am keeping that promise. So for the next two days expect frequent short posts. Until next time...
Post 45: It's Done!
It's finally done! I finished my application and it has been emailed to the employer. Wish me good luck!
Post 44: Hope
Often I try to think about what my future will bring. However I often think about that while I'm sitting on the couch doing nothing. I wonder what the future will look like, and I hope for good things.
Post 43: Woo Hoo!
Post 43! I'm thrilled that for the past two days I have kept to my convictions and completed what I said I would. Now I'm going on day three! Here we go!
Post 49: I Can't Even
I was going to make this post a longer drawn out story, but I've spent too much time reading that I'm too tired to continue. Sorry.
Post 48: Poetry...a thing...?
I'm pretty sure I posted this already, but I'm going to do it again.
I'm abused quite a bit.
On one side I'm thrown into a jam,
On the other against a wall.
I know my job is to provide a way for people and during certain times it's the hardest thing in the world.
Some want me to shut up,
Others want me to open up and reveal what's inside.
I put up a fight for the latter and complain loud enough for everyone to hear.
I want to do things my way but no one listens to what I want.
They just use me.
I see a lot on both sides, but tell no one.
I guess I want things to change, but not drastically.
My life is quite enjoyable as it is.
It's tough to be adoore.
Post 42: Skeletons In The Bathroom
Dinner with Theo was going to be incredible. In the car ride to the restaurant we had enjoyable conversation and gossiped about our classmates. I was most surprised on how much he had changed, but before I could tell him how much I had changed nature had to interrupt. The hostess was walking us to our table, and before we could sit I excused myself to the bathroom. On my way over, a waitress brought out shrimp from the kitchen. Something in the smell sent me to the bathroom faster. I ran into a stall and threw up. I stayed in the stall for a few minutes collecting myself and resisting the urge to call Sonya. It had worked.
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Post 41: Reverse Psychology?
A while ago, I started taping the receipts of my fast food purchases on the mirror in my room. I theorized that it would shock me into realizing how much money I was wasting on horrible food. With each new strip of paper I would stop being Ashley and start being a receipt from a fast food place. That didn't really work. Well, maybe it did for awhile but a few days after my mirror was completely covered I stopped caring. I guess it wasn't enough to motivate me. It's a cool theory, but I'm trying something else. I'm going to stop wasting money on useless food and start doing me right.
Post 40: The List
The doorbell rang, the baby cried and my phone vibrated on the counter. "Hilary, can you get the door please?" I smiled down at my nephew as I changed his diaper. I grabbed my phone and ran downstairs.
Send me the minutes from the budget meeting. Another pleasant message from my boss. My niece Hilary stood at the door as I emailed my boss with one hand and balanced my nephew on my hip with the other. I placed Roderik in his playpen and walked to the door.
"How much is it-" I stopped mid sentence. The pizza delivery guy was oddly familiar.
"Claire, is that you?" He asked me smiling.
"Theo...Theo Miller? How are you?" I asked thoroughly surprised. Theo and I had gone to school together. I had a crush on him for two years before we both starting dating.
"Wow. It's been a long time. You look great."
"Thanks. I had no idea you were working at Tony's, we love that place." I smiled at Hilary, remembering to bring her into the conversation.
She rolled her eyes at me. "Yes, we absolutely do. How much is it going to be?" She asked.
"It's on the house." Theo exclaimed and held the pizza box out. Hilary gladly took it and smiled at him.
"No, that's not necessary. Hilary, come back." I called after her. I started to turn to go after her, but Theo grabbed my arm.
"It's ok, I insist." His grasp was comfortable without being too firm. "Besides, if you feel the need to repay me, come out to dinner, we can catch up." His eyes smiled underneath his delivery hat.
His boyish charm from high school hadn't disappeared. Images of Blaine and Sonya came into my head, but I quickly dismissed them. I could both catch up with Theo and keep my promise to the two of them. Catching up with Theo wouldn't lead anywhere. I never backtrack.
Send me the minutes from the budget meeting. Another pleasant message from my boss. My niece Hilary stood at the door as I emailed my boss with one hand and balanced my nephew on my hip with the other. I placed Roderik in his playpen and walked to the door.
"How much is it-" I stopped mid sentence. The pizza delivery guy was oddly familiar.
"Claire, is that you?" He asked me smiling.
"Theo...Theo Miller? How are you?" I asked thoroughly surprised. Theo and I had gone to school together. I had a crush on him for two years before we both starting dating.
"Wow. It's been a long time. You look great."
"Thanks. I had no idea you were working at Tony's, we love that place." I smiled at Hilary, remembering to bring her into the conversation.
She rolled her eyes at me. "Yes, we absolutely do. How much is it going to be?" She asked.
"It's on the house." Theo exclaimed and held the pizza box out. Hilary gladly took it and smiled at him.
"No, that's not necessary. Hilary, come back." I called after her. I started to turn to go after her, but Theo grabbed my arm.
"It's ok, I insist." His grasp was comfortable without being too firm. "Besides, if you feel the need to repay me, come out to dinner, we can catch up." His eyes smiled underneath his delivery hat.
His boyish charm from high school hadn't disappeared. Images of Blaine and Sonya came into my head, but I quickly dismissed them. I could both catch up with Theo and keep my promise to the two of them. Catching up with Theo wouldn't lead anywhere. I never backtrack.
Post 39: A Loveless Marriage
During one of my last posts I spoke of reading Wuthering Heights. I've just finished chapter 14 and I seems miserable HC is a rude guy. I can't wait to see how Catherine and his son are connected. I don't pity I because she quickly got married to a guy who she thought she loved. My dad asked me when my husband was going to appear in my life. I'm not sure of the answer but I am damn sure that I am not going to have a marriage like I. It's not going to happen.
Post 38: Logan
Logan-
I didn't mean to do this to you. Running away wasn't the plan, especially in my current condition. I can't afford to leave someone who would love me forever, but I couldn't stay where I was. I want you to know that I am safe. I can't tell you where I am, only that it has the most beautiful view of the night sky. They want me to go now, but I can't. I have to tell you the truth.
I was afraid, the moment that you asked me to go farther than what I was comfortable made me tuck tail and run. I didn't realize that you would be behind all the way. The fact that you ran after me makes me love you even more. I'm scared now. I'm about to embark on this path by myself and I'm terrified. Inside the cave that is my mind I'm screaming out for you to be here with me, but I made my decision and I can't pull you away from your occupation. If I was selfish I would run back to you in a heart beat.
I wanted this to be long but I'm running out of time. I hope that when you read this you realize that I truly love you and want you. You are the person who gave me the best gift in this world.
He's coming. I must go.
Forever yours,
Nici
I didn't mean to do this to you. Running away wasn't the plan, especially in my current condition. I can't afford to leave someone who would love me forever, but I couldn't stay where I was. I want you to know that I am safe. I can't tell you where I am, only that it has the most beautiful view of the night sky. They want me to go now, but I can't. I have to tell you the truth.
I was afraid, the moment that you asked me to go farther than what I was comfortable made me tuck tail and run. I didn't realize that you would be behind all the way. The fact that you ran after me makes me love you even more. I'm scared now. I'm about to embark on this path by myself and I'm terrified. Inside the cave that is my mind I'm screaming out for you to be here with me, but I made my decision and I can't pull you away from your occupation. If I was selfish I would run back to you in a heart beat.
I wanted this to be long but I'm running out of time. I hope that when you read this you realize that I truly love you and want you. You are the person who gave me the best gift in this world.
He's coming. I must go.
Forever yours,
Nici
Monday, July 27, 2015
Post 37: I Hate Shopping
I'm really not a fan of shopping. The monotonous task of wishing for things you can't have and the mix of people. For the most part people are nice but there is a point and time where people become mean jerks. I just don't like dealing with it all. It might come down to my fatal flaw but for the most part I can't stand it. Today hasn't been so bad but me and my sister have butted heads already. I can tell I'm going shopping by myself for most of my life unless my kids can sleep through a shopping trip.
Post 35: Chin Chin
Today my grandmother told me I was beginning to look like I had a double chin. Although I had seen that in the mirror a few times, it still hurt. I love my grandmother, and she's completely sweet and caring but for awhile she's been after me about my weight. At almost 200 pounds it sucks. I don't do anything but complain when I know I could be so much better than what I am now. I have potential. I also have small wrists and ankles and a history of being a small baby. Those facts make me believe that God is trying to tell me to be smaller than I am. It's stupid but as soon as my grandma mentioned it, I tried to change the subject and tried to change my insecurities. I know a lot of other people hide from their problems, but I don't want to be like the turtle my cousin and sister found: being drug by other people through life. I am taking control of the things I can change and focusing on my own goals. Positive thinking will help me beat my insecurities and the obvious will help me face my current foe: the double chin.
Post 34: Two Murders Two Suspects
April showers bring May flowers, at least, that's what my boss used to say. He was a very cheery guy who liked to usher in each new day with an annoying little quote. I didn't necessarily like working for him, but he was a short guy with gray hair and a nice smile. He was sweet but didn't know how to run a business. You see, I work at a vet hospital. The one with the animals not military heroes, anyway, my boss was pleasant but the workplace was not. It seemed like every three weeks they were firing people because they had not been properly trained. Additionally, the new people were hired to replace the people who weren't doing a good job, yet they were not getting trained either. It was a ridiculous cycle of stupidity. I couldn't handle it forever. You misunderstand me. I know you're thinking that I killed the manager but I didn't. (I just thought about it.) The real person I have to assume took care of her was her lackey Mika. He was really good at kissing her butt, yet there was something terrifying about him. He grew up in Detroit and had that whole "I could kill you" facial expression each time he talked to me. I don't really like talking about it, but a few weeks ago he started walking me to my car and hitting on me. I tried to shut him down and threatened to get a restraining order but he just laughed it off. Each time I threatened him he would back off for a few days and then get right back to it. After three weeks I talked to the police about him. They didn't do anything. Then the manager was murdered. I knew two things right away: either he had killed the manager or he was the perfect red herring to confuse the police. Three days after the funeral he followed me to my car. We were talking about the manager and he forced himself on me. He pressed me firmly against my car and stuck his tongue down my throat. I couldn't handle it. I was afraid that something really bad was going to happen. I warned him, but he laughed and kept going. I did the only thing I could in that situation. I pulled my new concealed weapon out, pointed it at his chest, and pulled the trigger. And that officer is why I had to murder my coworker two weeks after my manager was murdered.
Post 33: Surprise Surprise
I have been reading Wuthering Heights recently. I'm actually proud of myself for doing it. I told myself that I would start reading more classic books. I'm surprised that it is incredibly easy to read. I give it two thumbs way up!
Post 32: Jacie's Scene
When I stepped outside of the restaurant I smelled smoke from a fire. The customary orange twinge to the sky told me it was far away enough away not to cause harm, only breathing discomfort. He was the one who taught me not to fear fire. Arin taught me to love the wind and every October I think of her as it sends chills down my spine. Leo taught me to respect the earth and treat it with kindness. Rainer forced me to trust in myself and to never stop learning. Each of my friends had a unique gift that helped turn me into the person I am today, but Kai was different. I loved Kai in a way I shouldn't. He was my best friends brother. I couldn't help it. He was irresistible once I got past the anger I had for him.
While we were going to school together I couldn't help but love him. The way he was able to send energy where he wanted was incredible. I was fascinated. As soon as his twin approached me on the first day I felt a connection to him. When we died it only grew stronger. Through our extra lessons, a psycho siren, possession, and ultimate doom our connection sustained. I hated him especially during sophomore year but I couldn't shake what we had. Once I had Arin's permission we made it official. I was going to end him and he was going to be my undoing.
While we were going to school together I couldn't help but love him. The way he was able to send energy where he wanted was incredible. I was fascinated. As soon as his twin approached me on the first day I felt a connection to him. When we died it only grew stronger. Through our extra lessons, a psycho siren, possession, and ultimate doom our connection sustained. I hated him especially during sophomore year but I couldn't shake what we had. Once I had Arin's permission we made it official. I was going to end him and he was going to be my undoing.
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Post 31: Here's What's Coming
There is a girl named Skyler and a boy named Brant. They go to the same college and are in the same psychology class. Skyler seems to have it all until Brant suspects that Skyler's father is abusing her. He is a drug dealer and attempts to teach her to obey him by using his fists. Whenever she gets hurt she runs to Brant and he falls in love with her. After a particular fight Brant finds Skyler in a ball on the floor. He takes her to the student clinic and is told that he needs to keep better care of her. After Skyler returns to her dorm room she breaks it off with Brant to protect him from getting hurt. Skyler then gets pulled into a deal with her father. The DEA comes in to find her shot and whispering Brant's name. She arrives at the hospital and Brant spends his days visiting her in the ICU. Ten years later she wakes up to find an engagement ring on her finger and this time she doesn't runaway.
Post 30: I'm Not a Perfect Girl (1)
Stories are a retelling of the extraordinary events in a person's life. They are never the every day boring things. A lot of stories start off giving you a background of what the ordinary felt like before they hit you with a curve ball about what makes their story special. Some of you are scratching because you just realized this, and others of you are rolling your eyes because that was obvious. Well, sit tight, I'm getting to the actual story part of it.
It all started when the guy I was romantically interested in stopped talking to me. A week after his nonexistent phone calls and texts I lost my job. I had given them two years of my life and they had given me a paper stating to apply again in another year. On top of that, my part time job had laid me off. With nothing better to do, I wallowed in self pity.
For three weeks, I didn't know what day it was. I didn't leave the house for anything more than food, and I watched everything in my Netflix list. It was a miserable existence. At the end of the third week, my best friend couldn't take it anymore.
Gemma Johnson has never let anyone stop her from doing anything she wanted. At 18 she got a tattoo and her mother screamed. By birth, she's a Gemini and she acts like it. Gemma came knocking on my door that fateful day with a plan and a posse.
The doorbell rang and I relished the chance to open the door in my yoga pants and ugly cleaning shirt. When I saw Gemma, I realized I was in for it. Flanking her on the left and right were my sisters Riley and Mimi. I shuddered on the inside. As the oldest of three girls I aimed to be the best example but that often didn't happen. For a split second, I considered not letting them in but I realized that if I didn't, they would just use the spare key I kept outside and come in anyway. I took a deep breath to prepare myself for the storm that was about to blow into my house. I clicked my door open and stepped back.
Gemma pushed herself through the door with shopping bags from Claire's slung under each arm. Mimi had a long box tucked under one arm and cleaning supplies under another. Riley finished off the bunch with her hair cutting bag slung over one shoulder and another shopping bag from Claire's. The three of them pushed past where I was standing behind the door and plopped all of their belongings on my dining room table. They immediately got to work unloading their items and within a matter of minutes my table was full of clothes and chemicals.
"Hey Monica, will you go out to my car and grab the last two bags? You'll see them in my backseat." Gemma called as she was organizing the pile of clothes.
The way she was acting, one would think that I was helping someone else and not being invaded; but nonetheless I grabbed her keys off the table and walked down to the parking lot.
Her Volvo sat freshly waxed in its semi-permanent spot. The bags she was talking about were oddly hot and smelling of Parmesan cheese and garlic. I took a quick peak inside and my suspicions were quickly confirmed. They had brought me Olive Garden! I smiled on the inside as I walked back into my homey apartment.
I had left the three of them alone for less than two minutes and they had completely transformed my apartment. They had opened all of my windows, tucked all of my clean unfolded laundry into a basket and onto my bed, and thrown away all of my take out boxes and brown bags.
"What's going on?" I asked as I set the bag of goodies on my kitchen counter.
Gemma emerged from my bedroom hallway all hot and heavy. "This is your intervention Monica."
"I don't need an intervention. I don't do drugs." I said calmly and genuinely.
"You don't need to do drugs to have an intervention. My friend Emma's sister was addicted to shopping and she got put on this show to learn to deal with it. She had an intervention and everything. It was really-"
"Ok Riley, you can slow down I get it. What do I need to have an intervention for?" I asked crossing my arms in protest. Riley was a Gemini too. Despite the fact that my best friend was six and a half years older and did not have blond hair and blue eyes like the rest of us, she and Riley could have been twins.
"Your life. Just like your apartment it's a complete mess." Mimi, the quiet Virgo chimed in.
"Look, I know I'm not where I expected to be but that doesn't mean-" I started but was cut off by Gemma.
"Monica, have a seat." This time she wasn't as commanding, and I felt better about listening to her. The four of us each took a different seat, Gemma directly in front of me on the ottoman, and Riley and Mimi to my left and right respectfully in chairs that were across from each other. You could have put a small table in between us, and I was not opposed to calling us the knights of the round table. King Gemma began.
"We are here because we care about you Monica. It's been three weeks since you've done anything, and we're worried about you. Pete was a dick, leading you on like that and then leaving. If I ever see him I'm going to kick him where the sun won't shine, but until that day I'm not letting you waste your time dwelling on the fact that the relationship didn't work. It's stupid, and he's stupid. I didn't want you to get hurt in the first place but now that you did, it's definitely time to do something about it. We came here to get you out of your slump and back on my feet." It was touching that the people that meant the most to me were here to help me, but the truth was I didn't want their help. As a Capricorn I pride myself in being able to tackle things on my own, and the fact that I hadn't yet was embarrassing.
I stood up to lighten the mood. "Oh look, I'm back on my feet. Excellent job. You guys can leave now." I smiled half joking, half hoping they'd listen.
"That's not going to work. Look, we brought all of your favorite things; Italian food, Ryan Reynolds movies, and a few new journals. Plus, we brought things we knew you needed." Mimi explained. "Like a closet organizer, and a quick clean up."
"A new haircut, and nail design. Girl they are a disaster." Riley offered.
"And shopping therapy without the actual shopping part." Gemma finished. The three of them looked at me expecting an answer.
"I think the three of you are incredible. I'm sad that it has come to this but I'm so thankful for you. Sometimes a girl just needs a kick in the pants from her best friends to get herself motivated again." I looked around at the incredible people I was lucky to call my family and wondered what I would ever do without them.
It all started when the guy I was romantically interested in stopped talking to me. A week after his nonexistent phone calls and texts I lost my job. I had given them two years of my life and they had given me a paper stating to apply again in another year. On top of that, my part time job had laid me off. With nothing better to do, I wallowed in self pity.
For three weeks, I didn't know what day it was. I didn't leave the house for anything more than food, and I watched everything in my Netflix list. It was a miserable existence. At the end of the third week, my best friend couldn't take it anymore.
Gemma Johnson has never let anyone stop her from doing anything she wanted. At 18 she got a tattoo and her mother screamed. By birth, she's a Gemini and she acts like it. Gemma came knocking on my door that fateful day with a plan and a posse.
The doorbell rang and I relished the chance to open the door in my yoga pants and ugly cleaning shirt. When I saw Gemma, I realized I was in for it. Flanking her on the left and right were my sisters Riley and Mimi. I shuddered on the inside. As the oldest of three girls I aimed to be the best example but that often didn't happen. For a split second, I considered not letting them in but I realized that if I didn't, they would just use the spare key I kept outside and come in anyway. I took a deep breath to prepare myself for the storm that was about to blow into my house. I clicked my door open and stepped back.
Gemma pushed herself through the door with shopping bags from Claire's slung under each arm. Mimi had a long box tucked under one arm and cleaning supplies under another. Riley finished off the bunch with her hair cutting bag slung over one shoulder and another shopping bag from Claire's. The three of them pushed past where I was standing behind the door and plopped all of their belongings on my dining room table. They immediately got to work unloading their items and within a matter of minutes my table was full of clothes and chemicals.
"Hey Monica, will you go out to my car and grab the last two bags? You'll see them in my backseat." Gemma called as she was organizing the pile of clothes.
The way she was acting, one would think that I was helping someone else and not being invaded; but nonetheless I grabbed her keys off the table and walked down to the parking lot.
Her Volvo sat freshly waxed in its semi-permanent spot. The bags she was talking about were oddly hot and smelling of Parmesan cheese and garlic. I took a quick peak inside and my suspicions were quickly confirmed. They had brought me Olive Garden! I smiled on the inside as I walked back into my homey apartment.
I had left the three of them alone for less than two minutes and they had completely transformed my apartment. They had opened all of my windows, tucked all of my clean unfolded laundry into a basket and onto my bed, and thrown away all of my take out boxes and brown bags.
"What's going on?" I asked as I set the bag of goodies on my kitchen counter.
Gemma emerged from my bedroom hallway all hot and heavy. "This is your intervention Monica."
"I don't need an intervention. I don't do drugs." I said calmly and genuinely.
"You don't need to do drugs to have an intervention. My friend Emma's sister was addicted to shopping and she got put on this show to learn to deal with it. She had an intervention and everything. It was really-"
"Ok Riley, you can slow down I get it. What do I need to have an intervention for?" I asked crossing my arms in protest. Riley was a Gemini too. Despite the fact that my best friend was six and a half years older and did not have blond hair and blue eyes like the rest of us, she and Riley could have been twins.
"Your life. Just like your apartment it's a complete mess." Mimi, the quiet Virgo chimed in.
"Look, I know I'm not where I expected to be but that doesn't mean-" I started but was cut off by Gemma.
"Monica, have a seat." This time she wasn't as commanding, and I felt better about listening to her. The four of us each took a different seat, Gemma directly in front of me on the ottoman, and Riley and Mimi to my left and right respectfully in chairs that were across from each other. You could have put a small table in between us, and I was not opposed to calling us the knights of the round table. King Gemma began.
"We are here because we care about you Monica. It's been three weeks since you've done anything, and we're worried about you. Pete was a dick, leading you on like that and then leaving. If I ever see him I'm going to kick him where the sun won't shine, but until that day I'm not letting you waste your time dwelling on the fact that the relationship didn't work. It's stupid, and he's stupid. I didn't want you to get hurt in the first place but now that you did, it's definitely time to do something about it. We came here to get you out of your slump and back on my feet." It was touching that the people that meant the most to me were here to help me, but the truth was I didn't want their help. As a Capricorn I pride myself in being able to tackle things on my own, and the fact that I hadn't yet was embarrassing.
I stood up to lighten the mood. "Oh look, I'm back on my feet. Excellent job. You guys can leave now." I smiled half joking, half hoping they'd listen.
"That's not going to work. Look, we brought all of your favorite things; Italian food, Ryan Reynolds movies, and a few new journals. Plus, we brought things we knew you needed." Mimi explained. "Like a closet organizer, and a quick clean up."
"A new haircut, and nail design. Girl they are a disaster." Riley offered.
"And shopping therapy without the actual shopping part." Gemma finished. The three of them looked at me expecting an answer.
"I think the three of you are incredible. I'm sad that it has come to this but I'm so thankful for you. Sometimes a girl just needs a kick in the pants from her best friends to get herself motivated again." I looked around at the incredible people I was lucky to call my family and wondered what I would ever do without them.
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