Clique Post

December 31st: New Year's Eve. This is the day when people sit down all across the world and reflect on their year. I can still remember last year's New Year's Eve, wow that's a fun sentence. I set some goals for myself last year, and in the spirit of the day today I think it's best to evaluate how I did.

Another clique thing about this post is I like many Americans had a fitness goal. Did I meet it? Nope I didn't, but that's not going to stop me from trying to achieve my goal. I think this year I will make my goal slightly more realistic and hopefully when I sit down next year, I will have achieved it.

Goal #2: Become Closer with God. I planned on reading a daily scripture every day, praying every day, and praying the rosary every month. I made these goals in the hopes of strengthening my relationship with God and hopefully create a strong foundation that will help me keep the faith when I move out. This year I was a part of the Pastoral Council at my church, and I reestablished a youth group with the help of a couple of close friends. I may have slacked on my own personal goals, but I feel that I did some positive good in the lives of others with my efforts.

Goal #3: Become more responsible. This was going to happen by actually working on my homework instead of avoiding it, doing simple chores weekly or largely clean up days monthly, and committing and keeping commitments. Yeah so maybe this didn't quite happen either. I had times that I did these things, but then other times I completely forgot I had made these goals. I think being another year older indirectly made me more responsible so perhaps I achieved my goal but not in the way I planned.

Goal #4: Write More. At the start of 2013 I made the goal to write at least one sentence every night. I definatley didn't keep that goal either, but I did get farther in my writing career. I actually completed a piece, for me that is a victory. I need some more work in this area, but I'm still having fun with it.

Some people would consider this year a failure. I stick my tongue out at you people. I don't care what you think, at least not at this moment. This was a year of inspiration, and self-discovery. Perhaps I didn't meet my goals for the year but I sure had fun failing; and in the spirit today isn't that more important than some silly goals?

Yeah, I will make some more New Years Resolutions this year. There is always room for improvement. But I won't be disappointed if I don't meet them to the T, after all they symbolize change and I kinda like the person I am.

A Day Late...

How am I supposed to feel? It happens tomorrow. My life is going to change there's no doubt about that, the question remains though how much will it change? Will it be like last time? Worse? Better? Im anxious, although if you ask, few will get the truth.

I've never felt something so strong like this before. Life is a difficult mess of problems I don't want to deal with. Don't you see, I have to do this? It could make everything better; make it easier to deal with. I know some people are going to cry and for that I'm almost thankful. Will they be strong enough to deal with it? Will I be strong enough to finish it? I've never thought about it before, but maybe this is a solution the world needs, something my family needs, something I need. Now that I've thought about it, it really seems like a grand idea. I know exactly how I want to do it. Hey, maybe it'll make the papers. One can only hope.

Not So Beautiful Creatures

I recently read the book Beautiful Creatures. It came out a while ago and was a pretty decent book. Ok so perhaps I jumped on the "bandwagon," but it doesn't matter I liked it. At times it was slightly boring but my general impression was of enjoyment. I was really excited because after reading the book I could now watch the movie. Was is the key word here.

I try to give movies the benefit of the doubt. Until I see it I usually don't make a snap judgment, unless it just has a stupid movie cover or uninteresting story. For this movie I really tried, honestly kept myself at bay so I could finish it. Maybe at the end it would all make sense. It wasn't too good in the beginning. It didn't get much better.

Now as a past film student I am slightly familiar with production costs, budgets, timing and the difficulty of locations but seriously. They could've done so much better. The writers changed most everything, they added events that never happened, motivations and actions the characters never had or did, and deleted characters that could've aided in the production. Deleting characters I understand, even adding scenes to explain to the novices (the people who don't read the books) what's going on. That's fine, but changing the script and plot of the movie? And changing it to not coincide with the intention of the authors, I'm sorry but I'm not too impressed with. Yeah I`ll probably see those characters in my head as I'm reading the rest of the books; but I will try my best to erase that disastrous book into a movie thing that I just watched.

To add insult to an angry and disappointed review, I classify this movie with Eragon, a horrible movie whose plot didn't set its own sequels up. Heck I'm willing to say that this movie is worse than The Lightning Thief, another book that I loved but was turned into a movie that made me so angry I refused to watch it  for nearly a year after its release. The only thing the movie Beautiful Creatures had going for it was its attractive cast, even some of whom needed to be replaced.

Transformations and A Bit of Pain

I had a dream a few nights ago, and it was actually pretty cool. I dreamt that I had the ability to change my appearance how I wanted to. It was great especially since in the dream I was hiding from somebody. But after a while I got stuck looking the way I had shifted and had to ride it out for a month or two. Let's just say that it wasn't too enjoyable. Two much of a good thing I guess... then my dream shifted.

This part was a mix between Harry Potter and a modern day grocery store. Again I was hiding from somebody. This time I switched looks with Ginny and somehow I got splinched even though I didn't apparate anywhere. And this all happened inside a grocery store and may have included a scene in a theme park. It was very exciting and yet confusing. I can imagine it is also confusing for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, but I stick my tongue out at you. It doesn't have to make sense to you, it's my dream. Half of the time it doesn't make sense to me. 

I love dreaming, its like a personal nighttime movie premiere for one. In my dreams, pain is usually involved and by the time I wake up some of the original dream has shifted and transformed into something else.

If we were to analyze the motifs of my dreams, there would probably be something about acting now while I can rather than later. There are other messages buried beneath the surface of each individual dream, but I think that's the general consensus. Now as far as the pain thing goes, I think that's just me being strange.

Life Should Be As Easy As Making A Scarf

If I was going to do something for the rest of my life it would be a cross between writing and crocheting. My reasons for wanting to write were explained in a previous episode of The Kameleon venting and expressing in a corner, but I haven't talked much about crocheting.

My first exposure to it was when I was 10. My favorite aunt did it and I thought she was super cool.  In order to ne more cool like her I learned to crochet. It was an interesting activity and I learned along with my best friend. I really liked it back then because it was something I was really good at, even better than my best friend at times.

As I got older I forgot about this secret until I took my sister to lessons to spend more time with her and since then, I've been crocheting like a maniac.

This time around I find it a little more fun than previous years. My skill has increased, and now I'm able to grasp concepts like never before. Now crocheting is an escape, an island from where I find solace at nearly anytime. It's fairly easy too. Many patterns are repetitive, once you figure out HOW to do the stitch you just do it for however long the pattern tells you. It's easy. One of the easiest things I've made recently is a scarf. After you chain and get to the next row, yarn over go into the stitch, pull yarn through, pull through the first two, yarn over and pull through the last two. For those of you who have no idea what I'm saying, I just described a double crochet which is a stictch onr can do when making something. To make a scarf after your initial row you do 1 double crochet in one stictch and 2 in the next. One in the next amd 2 after. It's a fairly simple pattern compared to those out there. 

To me crocheting is becoming like cutting your nails. It feels really good, amd sometimes can be a bit difficult but generally looks good when youre dome. Life would be so much easier if all we did was crochet. Learn the stitch, and repeat while following the pattern. I think we would all be much happier if we were given a pattern or instructions to follow in life. Except of corse for you wild and free spirits out there.  

I didn't even mention one of the best parts about crocheting. If you mess up you rip the project out and get back to the part where it's perfect. Can you imagine how thst would play out in life? Oh I said something stupid...RIP RIP RIP...replace the stupid thing with something cool and bam you look and feel so much better. Although I feel that crocheting as a life philosophy would help save us from embaressment, I'd have to agree with the wild and free spirits on this one: I don't think that we are put on this earth to follow a cookie cutter perfect project pattern. If we were, we would've beem created as yarn, but we aren't yarn. We are human beings, some of whose best moments are rippable errors.

I love crocheting, but I wouldn't want to miss out on all the funny stupid moments, however clique they might be, that make life fun. I'll enjoy it as an avid "hooker" but I do not and will not wish that life becomes like a crochet pattern, but I will admit that it would be a lot easier.

Christmas Time

Christmas time is one of the happiest times of the year. The whole month of December is exciting, full of anticipation and merry wishes. I really enjoy this season.

My family probably celebrates Christmas different than many other families. On Christmas Eve my family and I go to the first Christmas Eve masses at our church. Afterwards we head over to my grandparents house and eat dinner with everyone. All of the cousins come over, and we have a grand meal. I love the togetherness almost more than the presents. After an hour or so of eating and half an hour of cleaning we all get ready to open presents. We all do a drawing and everybody gives one other person a present. Then all the grandkids pass out the presents piled high in the living room. Once everybody has one, we all start to open, but one at a time starting with the youngest. Some gifts are cute, others are funny but we all have a great time regardless. After the presents are opened the kids get a little downtime with their toys and then everybody leaves ready to celebrate tomorrow.

On Christmas Day, my sister is always the first one up. She checks to see if Santa ate his cookies and drank his milk and then comes to wake me up. It takes persuasion from the both of us to get our parents out of bed in the morning. It seems like my parents take an eternity to get to the living room. My mom gets a garbage bag for the paper and a knife for the difficult presents. My dad sets up a video camera and records the present unwrapping. Then we all sit down. At my house we too open presents from youngest to oldest. We all grab our presents from Santa and my sister unwraps, then me, then my mom, and finally my dad. After those gifts are opened we start opening the ones from everybody else. One year my parents both got each other mini deep fryers, and we had them open them at the same time. They were so confused, but it was so cute! After the presents are all unwrapped and the oohs and ahhs and funny stories all told, the Christmas morning magic ends and we clean up. As the living room is being put back in shape, I pop open a can of cinnamon rolls and make our traditional breakfast. A few hours later, my mom's family comes up and we enjoy yet another Christmas dinner. There are less relatives at this one and my sister and I are left to our own devices.

After 17 years of celebrating Christmas this way, I wouldn't change any of our amazing traditions. It truly is the best time of the year.

Is It Worth It?

Today my friends I am stuck at a fork in the road. I've written two essays for the scholarship and I can't decide which one to use.

One of them has a great feel about it and is true to who I am. It's different and will definitely stand out from the millions of other essays sure to flood the readers.The other is very stark and matter of fact. Its mostly true but it doesn't reach the core of my being. I'm sure this is the type of essay that they are going to have more than enough to read. The question remains: which road should I take?

I've talked to a few different people about this dilemma and I'm still unsure. At first I wrote one about my true passion, one that doesn't quite fit the criteria. Upon reading it my mother told me to rewrite it because readers don't want a story, they want facts. So I rewrote something, a little hot and bothered ironically enough and so I ended up with a stark essay which matter of factly addressed the prompt. This draft didn't make me very happy, and part of me went with it so I wouldn't get a bad grade in English. I feel so much at home with the other one. The other one is me down to my core. Both has their advantages and disadvantages.

Draft one is different, quoting Mr. Burge, it has the surprise factor. It's also risky. It doesn't exactly match the prompt but I can massage and research and make it closer to the prompt, but it's not as directly linked as draft number two.

Draft two is matter of fact. I want to be this...I will do this...and you will give me money. I hate writing like that. If I write like that it's because I'm out of time and I don't care. I want to make a career out of writing, is that really the way to do it by doing something I don't like?

Mr. Burge, while looking over my essays, presented me with a conundrum. He said that if my goal was to get the scholarship than use draft two even if I don't like it. It's safe. If my goal was to be true to myself then he told me to take draft one and hope for the best. It's not as safe. I've never done anything like this with my writing before. Is it worth missing out on money for the chance to make myself happy? Well it's not as if I don't stand the chance of getting the money if I massage the draft about writing, it's just more difficult and I should hope for a reader who sympathizes with me.

I guess with this post I'm looking for someone to jump out of the crowd and tell me its ok to do it. It would be nice if someone gave me permission almost to take a risk. I'm thinking that I wrote this to talk myself into what I want to do. It's not like I have a lot of financial options for college. I'm paying for it myself and I detest the idea of being in debt my entire life, but I almost want to cross something off of my "first time I...list." I'm feeling slightly brave tonight. Let's just hope that my writing is good enough.

Everything I Say...

Today is one of those days. EVERYTHING I SAY IS BEING USED AGAINST ME BY MY MOTHER. She is pissed off and it's really starting to annoy me. I feel somewhat horrible to say it, but another part of me is happy to be talking about it to someone, even if it is between me and a computer screen.

To put it bluntly, my mom is sick. She's been cancer free for nearly 10 years, a milestone achievement for a cancer survivor. A month or so ago before her anniversary, she was diagnosed with a disease that leads to cancer 98% percent of the time. As a result, she is scheduled to have surgery later this year or early next year. This isn't the first year my mom has been laid up during Christmas time and my mother hates to do it. She claims that God is hating her and putting her through this. I don't remember if she was like this when she was diagnosed with breast cancer or if this is a whole new set of side effects from her recent surgery yet to be done.

Flash forward to today; my mom just seemed to get mad about everything. My dad got a ticket for going too fast on the highway on our way to church, and it was my fault because I didn't get ready in time. She yelled at me about that.

My mom is upset that I kept spending my money from my summer job. She yelled at me about that.

My mom is upset that I wasn't prepared today and didn't bring my license so I could help move cars around. She yelled at me about that.

My mom is upset about my not too bad grades and missing out on the opportunity about sending my SAT scores. She yelled at me about that.

My dad warned me when I found out about her new diagnosis that I would have to be understanding and considerate towards her because she's under stress. I understand that, and it seems really selfish to be talking about myself when my mom and my family is going through something like this but I still want to do it.

Today I was trying to get my mom off the subject and help her understand my perspective on all the things she was yelling at me about. It didn't work.

My mom and I express our anger the same way. We are tolerant about most things and just let things build and build. Once we get past our breaking point, you had better stand back. We over react because we are angry and everything we are angry about gets told and expressed three fold. With this past I wonder if today is release day or if it's a special brand never seen before...