His name was Dan Gardner. My sister and I called him Uncle Dan, even though he wasn't related to us at all. Uncle Dan had gone to high school with my dad, and years later they worked together at UPS. He was very religious and encouraged my family and me to attend mass more regularly. Church was more fun with him there. He was one of my role models. I have so many fond memories of him, too much for one blog post, but for a quick summary he was very important to me. When it came time for me to choose a person to sponsor me for my Confirmation, there was no competition. There was no telling the kind of person I would turn into with his help.
That was all cut short on October 20th, 2011. Uncle Dan, a fairly healthy person, had gone into an ulcer removing surgery. I'm not clear on the details but I do remember that he bled out and died in the hospital.
I was in first period when my mom and aunt came to get me. This never happened. When I saw them, my mom looked like she had been crying and my aunt was wearing sunglasses inside. That car ride was full of many tears. My mom explained what had happened to Uncle Dan earlier that morning. Although I tried my best to be strong I eventually broke. Tears poured down my face as I told my mother that the only thing I wanted was my Uncle Dan back. We all knew it wasn't going to happen.
At the end of the car ride I got my first embrace. Walking inside my house I immediately searched for my father. Once found, we grabbed onto each other tightly. That was the first time I had seen my dad cry.
Soon we each busied ourselves with anything. My mom began to make comfort food. My dad called people. And I, I looked up sad songs on YouTube trying to elongate the grief I was feeling. I tried to stay glued to my computer so I wouldn't have to face the world with a face full of tears. I was used to being the impenetrable one which nothing fazed. This had hit me like nothing before. It was something I wasn't used to and needed to figure out how to act. My mom kept interrupting my strategical planning by random tasks she asked me to do.
On the way back from one of the random tasks I got my second embrace. A friend of my dad and Dan had come to the house and he asked me how I felt. I didn't say much. In absence of my words, also something that doesn't happen often, he spoke. He said that the first time someone close to you died, it was really difficult. I nodded because it was.
The next day I was given the option to go to school or not. I chose to go because I wanted to explain what had happened to my friends, and I was trying to be strong and unfazed.
At lunch I told my main group what had happened. My voice cracked a few times but no tears escaped. It seemed easier to tell them as a group. Towards the end of lunch I spent some time with a distant friend and as I relayed the story again to this single person the tears began to come. I didn't understand why this was different, but the tears were really coming now. As if seeing my sadness, another friend came up to me. That was when I received my third embrace.
The friend hugging me held me tight as I cried into his shirt. I felt bad for crying on him, but I also felt so good that I didn't want to let go. In fact someone politely told me that class was starting and I replied with a tear-filled "I don't care!" My friend held me for a few more seconds and then encouraged me to go to class.
This last embrace will stay in my mind for as long as I live. I have never forgotten how I felt as he held me. The simple act of comforting made me feel as if I had someone who cared about me. Now I wasn't particularly close to this friend, but this quick period of comforting made me realize just how important human contact can be to someone. I think in this respect I can understand Laertes and maybe now you can too.
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