Post 63: Flashback

I sat in the cold waiting room. The blue painted walls had beautiful pictures of smiling mothers with their children. If I wasn't here for Cassie I probably wouldn't have ever been graced with the absolute pleasure of seeing creepy pictures in this building. Hell, I probably wouldn't have ever stepped foot in the building. But here I was waiting for the sake of  my best friend and she didn't even know I was here.

The only other person in the room was a 40 year old woman with a huge pregnant belly. I had heard about the horrors of pregnancy; the vomiting, the stretch marks, not to mention the fact that a tiny parasite would own their host's body for 9 whole months, three-fourths of a year. I couldn't tell how far along the woman was, but she didn't look happy. I wondered how long it would take me to look like that.

Suddenly a door opening pulled my attention away from the woman. A nurse had opened the door between the worlds. "Claire Anderson?" I stood up with my people charming smile and followed her to a back exam room.

This room was less creepy. There were no pictures of "happy" families, but there were diagrams of the male and female reproductive systems. The wall was painted a medical white, and looked similar to a traditional doctors office except with the addition of stirrups to the traditional paper covered exam bench. With each movement the paper crinkled beneath me, and I was reminded why I was doing this.

It wasn't her fault really even if she was the reason I was here. It wasn't her fault that she had gotten leukemia as a teenager. It also wasn't her fault that the cancer treatments had taken away her chance to become a mom.  Cassie was an incredible person. She was kind, and compassionate and had all of the goodness that a mother needs to make sure her kids aren't screwed up but none of the uterus. Cassie yearned for a biological child, she had been adopted and wanted a biological connection to another human being. She had an incredible family, and married into another family who loved her but couldn't help want more.

Cassie had married my brother Blaine a few years out of high school. I thought they suffered from high school sweetheart syndrome and would soon breakup, but the truth was they were perfect for each other. I had never seen anybody more in love except my parents. They had it all: a beautiful condo on the river, two dogs they cared about more than anything, nice paying jobs,  and two of the biggest hearts in the world. The only thing they needed was a child.

They tried everything. Even put their name in for adoption, but nothing worked. Cassie put her body through hell once to live and did it again to bring another life into the world, but the second time wasn't so successful. Regardless of what they tried, she never became pregnant.

As her best friend, I felt helpless. I was there for Cassie through all of the cancer treatments, I shaved my head when she had to, and nearly got held back a year for spending so much time at the hospital with her. The stuff I did was nothing compared to what she had to suffer through. But now that she was trying to have her own biological child, I felt like I could finally do something.

I was the person who turned her on to surrogacy. I figured that she could finally achieve what she wanted. The idea brought her out of the self imposed depression, and she put all of her energy into the process. Blaine and Cassie went through additional hormone treatments for the extraction, and set everything into motion.

The next road block was funding a surrogate. All of the medical treatments had cost money and now they had to wait to be able to afford another. It was devastating to me to watch my best friend lose hope. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I set my own plan into action.

Cassie and I were always being mistaken for each other in high school, and I used that to my advantage. The only difference was she had freckles and brown hair where me and my brothers had blonde hair. I put on a wig, changed the way I walked and ultimately set everything in motion for me to be their surrogate. The final test was the interview with the doctor who would perform the procedure and monitor me throughout the pregnancy.

I met her on a bright Wednesday morning. I say bright because the sun was beaming and her office was the most white room I could have ever seen. I took a seat and was greeted by her pristine smile.

"Welcome Claire, please have a seat." She held her hand out and I shook it as I took a seat in her, you guessed it: white chairs!

"I'm Dr. Mahone. So, I was going over your application and it appears you have chosen to carry your brother and sister-in-law's baby. That's very noble of you. Why do you want to do this for them?"

"Well Blaine is my older brother and he married my best friend. They are two of the most incredible people I have ever encountered. They have everything they could ask for except a child. Cassie has been through hell to be here and I don't want this to get messed up for them. They need this to go right. Before I could do nothing real to help. I couldn't offer my arm in place of hers. I couldn't lose my hair instead of her or even give her my bone marrow. Finally, I can do something, and I want to do this for them. I won't let some person ruin this for them. They know me, heck we're family. I'm not going to take the baby at the end of this and run. They'll will always be in my life. Blaine and Cassie know exactly what to expect from me, and I wouldn't trust my nephew or niece to be carried by anyone else."

She nodded in understanding. "Your intentions are very noble, but it is important that you realize the extent of what being a surrogate entails. You have passed every preliminary test we require for this procedure. But I want to spend some time talking about your first pregnancy. Were there any complications?"

I had been preparing for this question. Since I had walked into the office and they had called me Cassie, I figured I could get this lie out without detection. "No. I had morning sickness for the first two months but after that calmed down everything was fine."

"And that morning sickness is to be expected. Your record says you gave birth to a baby girl. What does she think of this? Is she ok with her mom getting pregnant again?"

"My daughter Hillary is a little apprehensive but she wants me to help her aunt and uncle. She's a teenager and is afraid of explaining it all to her friends at school. You know, wanting to be enough under the radar not to attract too much attention, but still unique enough that she gets the right kind of attention."

Dr. Mahone chuckled at my little quip. "I understand. My son is a preteen whose favorite word is whatever."

I did the polite societal thing and laughed in agreement. "That was a fun time. Just wait until he starts cussing. Once Hillary thought it was ok, it was incredibly hard to get her to stop."

"Does she live with you?" The doctor asked curiously.

"Yes, unless her dad is home. He travels roughly half of the year so she lives with him when he's here and me when he's not."

"What does he think of you becoming a surrogate for your brother?"

"He doesn't know yet. His phone calls are mainly for Hillary. We still care for each other but as friends. He's always been supportive of my goals and I have no doubt he will feel the same this time."

"That's great. What is your relationship with Hillary's father?"

"We were never married. She was a surprise and we just never took the final step. I've had some serious relationships after we decided to remain friends and nothing else but I'm not in a relationship now."

She paused a moment, looked down at my file and nodded. "Well that makes this process simpler. We have to have the consent of the current partner, but seeing as there is none, that makes it easier." She looked at me and a smile spread across her face. "Well everything seems to be in order. We will set an appointment for next week and get you inseminated. It was nice to meet you Claire."

"It was very nice to meet you too Dr. Mahone. I look forward to our appointment next week."

A week later I sat in the exam room. I smiled when the doctor walked into the room. The procedure took no time at all and I left the office praying that I was pregnant with my brother and best friend's child.