Should I Have Said Something?

When I like someone I start off slow, pick up the gradual speed and intensity and then decide I don't like them and slowly back away with an additional feeling of disappointment mixed in. The same is true for a few of the guys I've liked recently. 

I was all ready to date a guy I liked 3 months ago; I could imagine how we would spend the weekends and how we would show each other off to our friends. Then as the months passed, my liking grew until I found any reason to spend time with him. The more time I spent with him the more I wanted to spend more and more time with him. Then we had a moment. It was a grand moment that I can add to my "first time this has happened" list. It was awesome. The more I thought about it, the more I smiled. But I backed away a little so he would know that I am not clingy. Apparently that enabled someone to step into my shoes. 

As I stepped out, she stepped in. One of my closest friends took my place which never may have been mine in the first place. She was beautiful and thin and it was easy to see why any guy would fall for her, but she had a boyfriend! Seriously not ok no matter where you stand. It irked me the wrong way when I saw them together. She asked how I felt, and I lied in hopes that she wouldn't think badly of me. 

Because of my omission it seemed that he wanted to hang out with her more and more with her. I had liked him in the first place and now he couldn't keep his hands off of her. It crushed everything that I had put into what we had. As it continued on they hung out more and more and I left because I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to tell her how I felt or him for that matter. 

Should I have told her? 

Should I have told him?

Everyone told me to tell a guy when I liked him but it never seemed opportune and I didn't want to ruin what was there. Probably nothing. He still doesn't know that I liked him. They still hang out a lot. It still hurts me. I'm still single.

Confessions from an avid chick flick watcher.

The Vindication of Woman

Women's rights. Women's rights. Women's rights. A Vindication of the Rights of Women is an article of opinion by Mary Wollstonecraft regarding women's rights. By taking U.S. History last year, and the people I surrounded myself with, I just became fed up with women's rights. I am that paradoxal person. I want guys to hold open doors for me, I want to be able to vote, I want to be helped up when I am knocked down, I want to be able to defend myself, the list goes on and on. When things like this come up it is just easier to accept the paradox than to try to fix it and make it fair. Women's rights have been at the forefront of many people's minds for a very long time. There is tradition woven between strips of modern views that just makes sense. I'm not sure that its worth changing anything. When Mary Wollstonecraft was alive there were many things that needed to be done. Women were "owned" by their husbands, and weren't really involved in their own lives. (It's late, I don't care, be happy it might make sense.) Now most of those things have been accomplished, let's move onto more pressing issues. Sleep. I like sleep. I'm going to get some.
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In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight.
In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight.
Oh weem o wap.
Oh weem o wap.
Oh weem o wap.
Oh weem o wap.
Oh weem o wap.
Oh weem o wap.
Oh weem o wap.
Oh weem o wap.

The Rape of the Lock

We had to read the Rape of the Lock by Alexander Pope for homework. It was a weird story. It started off about this girl at a party and then described the party, and then described this guy who was going to cut her hair, then the process of getting up the courage to cut her hair. 18th century poetry is not my favorite. I think I could appreciate the humor in the story but its just really strange. There are little sprites trying to protect her from getting her hair cut, and they don't do a good job because it happens anyway. Then the girl begs for her hair back. Ok, Mr. Pope, most girls are happy to get their hair cut and don't want the dead ends back after its not attached.

I've heard somewhere that this is similar to Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal." In my opinion, Swifts was more interesting. I could feel this way because Swift used language I was used to and could easily understand. Pope on the other hand may have appealed to his audience but not to me.

Curls running down a girl's back are cute no matter whom you are. Why someone wanted to cut it off is beyond me. Couldn't he just get her carriage number like another person rather than being all weird about it?

That's the thing about satire. It is an inside joke that is hilarious if you understand it. If you however remain outside while the joke is being told it is a club that won't let you in. LAME. IRRITATING. CONFUSING.

Paradise Lost

An excerpt from Paradise Lost was given to us to read over the weekend. It was actually fairly interesting. Written during the Renaisance, it's a story about the Fall of Satan. For me it was fairly easy to read.

Most of you know that I am Catholic. I think that because of my religious past it was easier for me to understand than Hamlet. This is a place I've been immersed in since I was a baby; his is like home to me. 

I really liked reading and analyzing this piece of work. It had the academic rigor that Mr. Burge likes but it also had the familiarity that I yearn for. 

One of my favorite questions regarding this passage considered the status of Satan as a hero figure. Was he or wasn't he? Going against everything my faith and the world has taught me I decided that he could be a hero figure. 

Hero figures don't falter when oppressed, fight for what they believe in and are ambitious; in the passage, Satan had done all 3. People are going to argue against me, but I don't care. This question opened my eyes to the possibility that something like this could happen. God may not be happy with me and I should probably feel bad, but I feel bad enough already. I'm so done with caring today. If only everybody knew, oh but I wouldn't want that.

Satan could have felt oppressed, but at least he did something. I'm sitting here festering and gathering hate while I could be doing something. But that's the kind of person I am. The do nothing kind. I used to wonder if Satan and I were similar. I guess not in that respect.

My Life Plan

Why do I do what I do? Is it supposed to be this way? Am I fooling myself? I've spent many days trying to figure out the answers to these questions. Maybe I finally have.

Throughout my life it has seemed that I am the "jack of all trades, master of none" kind of person. I'm good at many things but there is not ONE specific thing that is mine or so I thought. 

What if writing is the answer? It fits pretty dang close to my personality. I can jump around from topic to topic doing whatever I want and learning about anything that I want. My mom says I need to find a career that will give me the life I want to live, meaning a career that is financially stable. Ok mom, I'll go to nursing school to help me pay for all the fun things I want to do, but I'll live my passion to write.

I want to tell stories. It seems to be the only thing I'm good at. I'm not good at speaking the stories but I've been told that my written ones aren't too bad. I'm tired of complaining, I'm tired of everything. I am in no mood for anything today.

People say they have never seen me angry, well now is your chance. It doesn't show up often so enjoy it while it's here. Maybe some of you will understand why I am not the happiest person today but there is only one person who is going to know the real truth.

So Intense!

Every year my family gets together to celebrate my mom and her sisters birthdays. They are three days and about twelve years apart. Its always a fun time. We have cake, and a big dinner with the whole family. Personally, I wouldn't want to share my birthday with anyone, but they seem not to mind. Anyway this meeting is a gathering of family where we can gather and talk and catch up. Today my mom took on the case of persecuting my cousin for all the bad decisions she's made in life. She didn't graduate high school, she took forever to get a job, she stayed with a loser boyfriend and got pregnant with his kid, she's accident prone, smoked for awhile and had a drinking problem. As I sat and watched her jump all over my cousin's life I couldn't help but get angry. I know people, a lot of good people who did some of the things she has done. They are still good people. In fact it's kind of interesting to hear of people who jump out of that. But seriously, stop playing the "I'm the good seed card." You screwed up too you know. Making someone feel bad about their life just because it isn't what you think it should be is bs. I know I've done it but I don't care, I'm blogging about you right now. Give it a break. Just stop.

Hamlet Act 4 Analysis

Act 4, Scene 4 is the time that Fortinbras is brought back into the play. At this time, he and his men are marching to Poland to fight for a piece of land that is worth near-nothing. During their passing through Denmark, Hamlet meets a Captain from the outfit and learns of their plans. He reacts to this by speaking in a soliloquy about action and inaction.

                The central idea of this passage considers the different sides of the coin of action. There are those that act, and contradicting them, those that talk about acting and yet do nothing. This contrast is very important to the play as well as the deeper meaning of the soliloquy itself.

                Shakespeare illustrates this contrast, by the characters Fortinbras and Hamlet. Fortinbras, leading his army to fight for land without use represents the side of action. He is leading 20,000 of his own men to their deaths for an “illusion of honor.” If they win the battle, it really will not help his kingdom. Hamlet on the other hand  is the embodiment of inaction. His father’s ghost has asked him to avenge his father’s murder but the murderer lives on. Hamlet has had ample opportunities to kill his father’s murderer and yet has found something to stop him each and every time. Every so often Hamlet claims that he will not stop until his deed is complete; the deed remains unfinished.

                Another contrast noted in this soliloquy is between beast and man. Hamlet compares the two by stating that beasts eat and sleep, whereas men have the ability to reason and act upon that reasoning.  If a man doesn’t act then it is implied by Shakespeare through Hamlet that he is nothing more than a beast. This comparison is a cry for action.

                The contrast between inaction and action has been a common problem throughout history. As stated earlier, there are two types of people in the world and these people have lived on through generations. In this soliloquy, Hamlet is discussing a problem prominent in today’s society. The question is not, to be or not to be; it is to act or not to act.