Later in the day I was told that another job of mine will not be renewed next year. So I'm going from three jobs to one that is less part time and more consultant hours. That sucks.
Physically, I burnt my tongue at lunch and had an altercation with a chair that resulted in a pretty painful bruise.
Emotionally, I got a text from a person who really annoys me. I'm too afraid of telling them the truth. If I do they could be hurt and my reputation ruined. Then I would get to relive that decision because once I told them how I feel I'd probably see them everywhere. On the other end of the spectrum I learned that one of my friends is a really good kisser. The kind of kisser who gets your heart pumping, emotions rolling, and feminine parts screaming for more. I love being kissed by a good kisser, and I mean a great kisser if they try. Kissing is one of those activities that can turn all of the important senses on and open your eyes to a world unknown. When I used to read romance novels with kissing scenes where the characters used tongue I thought it was disgusting! This huge red thing that belongs in your mouth can't possibly go into someone else's, but oh boy can it! My first tongue kiss was disgusting. I totally felt nothing and was prepared for nothing. My second and plus were much better. 100% improvement. I guess sometimes failing helps you find what you like. Anyway I'm bringing up my incredible kissing experience because I want it to happen again. I was to kiss the person who kissed me last and try something else. Something different hopefully in a good way. Friends don't kiss each other though. Friends talk about their days and tease each other about stupid stuff. Is it possible to have both? I sure hope so. I'm trying to decide what to do in regards to this. Do I initiate something and risk being shut down or stick to the status quo and definition of what the other person wants? Shit, I know what I want to do but I don't know if I can go threw with it.
Ok, adding this crap into the mix of shit I've been dealing with today, I have begun torturing myself. I'm trying to figure out what the hell to spend my life doing. I love writing. It calms me and telling stories is fun. But I fight the practical world that says you need a practical passion. I want to write and spend my life writing. If I give everything for writing then I risk losing everything. If I play it safe then I'll be boring my entire life. It's super simple to rationalize my life this way but I don't care. Plus I have to find a major. I was considering dance because I like to dance but I've never been good at it before. I don't have a dancers body. But I bet it would be interesting.
Did I mention I didn't finish my sisters homework? No? Well just another thing added to the plate.
That was my day. Heck my life. I don't know what direction I'm going but I'm going to keep in mind my 10 commandments and see what I can turn my life into.
I named this post turning clouds into sunshine because I spent about half my day wondering how I was going to find a positive spin on my troubles. I realized that this is like a blank slate. Everything that has happened is a way for me to start fresh and new. Like a newborn I can feel my way around in this confusing way called life and create the kind of story I want. I don't need kisses to make that happen, although they are certainly welcome.
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